Carry On (Nothing Really Matters)
by itrysometimes
Summary: Simon and Baz struggle to heal a new rift in their relationship. Simon's still embarrassed about the wings. Baz thinks flying might help him. Will it? Kind of after the first book, but some elements after the second, too. Sorry if that's confusing. -H
1. Chapter 1

**Simon**

My day begins the way it always does - with a fresh scone and a quick scan of the newspaper. Ha ha, had you fooled. I didn't wake up 'till 10 am, at which point Penny screamed in my ear for me to get up. I wouldn't have listened to her, either, until I remembered that she's the one that has magick now, not me. She does a quick _hide me quick_ to make the wings and tail invisible as I get out of bed. She's been experimenting lately on hiding my wings and tail. Maybe she invents the spells. Probably she does. Honestly, I don't care.

I pour myself a bowl of cereal and plop down on the sofa to watch a program. Baz got me into _Downtown Abbey_, and it all went downhill from there. I wouldn't be addicted to the telly, except I don't have magick to occupy my time anymore.

Baz storms in the door, wind nipping at his heels. "What's wrong?" I ask, because I _do _want to be a concerned boyfriend, but I don't really know how.

"Stuff," he grunts as he sits down next to me, and that's that. Something's wrong with him. Something's wrong with _us_. Everything is wrong. We were supposed to have a happily ever after, except we didn't. Trouble in paradise, as they say.

Penny creeps over, stealthy as a fox. She leans over the back of the couch and blows air kisses at us.

"Stoppit!" Baz cries as she ruffles his hair, and just like that we're back to normal again.

**Penny**

Something's wrong with Simon, you can feel it in the air.

He doesn't sleep, and when he does it's for hours at a time.

He's addicted to the telly and that _stupid, stupid, stupid _show he insists on watching.

He acts as though wings and a tail are the end of the world. What I wouldn't give for wings. If I got a tail with them, so be it.

I don't think either he or Baz know how to talk to each other now. Now that the Mage is gone and so is the Humdrum. I don't know what happened. One moment they were fine, dancing together at the ball. The next… well, I don't know. They have to be so far apart now that Simon doesn't have magick and can't go to our school. I think it'll help when Baz and I graduate at the end of this year. I hope that it does, so badly that it hurts. If Micah and I couldn't get a happily ever after, I at least want Baz and Simon to get one.

So. Life is interesting.

I've concluded that I might start seeing a therapist. Sort out my feelings. Except there aren't really therapists in the world of magick. Maybe I'll change that someday. Maybe I won't. Only time will tell.


	2. Chapter 2

**Baz**

Simon finishes his breakfast and gets ready for the day. I wait in the kitchen. I have a surprise for him when he gets back.

Broomsticks aren't really a thing in the world of magick, but I managed to dig one up. I want to fix my relationship with Simon and I think a shared interest might help. Like it or not, Simon has wings now. We can't fix that. So maybe being able to share the skies might help him?

Simon emerges from his room, still bleary-eyed. I present the broomstick to him, wood glistening in the early morning sunlight.

"Ta-dah!" I proclaim with a flourish.

"It's a broomstick," he says, after a long pause.

"Yeah. I thought we could… go on a ride together?"

"Oh! Oh yeah!" His eyes light up. "That sounds great! Give me a minute and I'll be right there."

He turns on his heels and walks back to his room. I wait, once again, in the kitchen.

Penny looks at me funny. "What are you playing at?" she asks.

"Playing at what?"

"The- the- the broomstick thing!" she sputters. "Surely you know by now Simon hates those wings of his?"

"Well, yeah," I reply. "But hopefully we can change that. He's going to have to get used to them. _I'm_ going to have to get used them."

"Fair enough," she says, and an awkward silence ensues.

**Simon**

I love Baz, I really do. I also couldn't _possibly _go for a flight with him. I blame it on the wings.

They're such a _nuisance_. I hate this I hate this I hate this I hate this.

Most of all, I hate how I can't help but sink to the ground, sobbing. My life is just perfect and I can't stop thinking about how it could be better. I feel like a spoiled brat.

The door whisks open, and quietly shuts. Baz walks in and sits down on the bed next to me. It creaks under his weight.

"Simon…" he starts. He tries again. "Simon..."

"What?" I somehow snap in between great heaving breaths for air. I can't breathe I can't breathe I can't breathe.

He looks at me, and I can't tell what he's thinking. "Simon. Look at me."

I hold his gaze. I can't break eye contact.

He inhales slowly, motioning for me to join him.

I breathe in slowly, still trembling.

"Breathe, Snow. Breathe. In… out.. good, keep doing that. In… out… in… out.."

My heart rate returns to normal. I unclench my fists. When did I clench them?

"Snow."

"Simon," I correct.

"Snow, I need you to keep breathing. In and out. You seem to have some sort of- of- of _fear_ of your wings. We need to stop that. Get you to accept them."

I nod dumbly.

"So we are going to go outside, and we are going to go on a walk together. You obviously haven't been outside in _forever_. Maybe we'll go for a flight today too, maybe not."

"But-"

"But _nothing_. I'm a fucking vampire, for fuck's sake. I can't really go outdoors, but I would do that for you. You need to not watch _Downtown Abbey_ all day. You're not a _Normal_."

He stands up, brushing off his pant legs.

"Come on, Simon," he says, extending his hand to me. I take it, and pull myself up.

We walk out the door that way, hand in hand.

**Penny**

It's about time Baz told Simon what we all know. Well, what Baz and I know. Simon still has to figure it out, but that's no one's fault but his own.


	3. Chapter 3

**Baz**

Simon and I walk through the forest on a small, well-worn path. We pass a clearing which someone filled with faerie houses. He stops to admire them. I have to admit, they're beautiful. A hare comes and sits right next to his foot. They stand there for a moment, human and hare. Then the silence breaks and it scampers away. I don't know why I feel this moment is significant, but I do. I think this might be the moment it all gets better.

When we get back to the house, Simon grabs the broomstick and gives it to me.

"Let's go," he says.

"Wait, really?" I am genuinely surprised.

"Why not?" Then he leans in and whispers, "this might be the only time I feel up to it, so stop making me doubt myself while you're ahead and then you might actually get me up in the air again."

"So noted," I reply, saluting him.

"Oh, shush," he says, swatting at me.

**Simon**

The sky is beautiful above the forest. And as much as I hate to admit it, it feels good to stretch my wings for a change.

Baz shouts at me from his broomstick.

"What?" I say over the rushing wind.

"You look beautiful!"

I smile. For once I feel like it. "You too!" I shout as I swoop down closer to him, landing on the back of the broomstick. We swoop through the clouds. Together. It's nice. No- it's _wonderful_.

**Baz**

I want to fly forever.

**Penny**

I watch Simon and Baz in the sky until I lose sight of them. Then I turn around and head back inside. Time for me to be productive for once.

My time at Watford isn't yet complete, but college applications are due at the end of next month. I've already written a few essays on The Day My Dog Died and Why I Love Playing Piano, et cetera et cetera. Normals have such boring prompts for 5,000-word essays. But there aren't any magickal colleges, so I guess I'll just have to deal with it.

I want to major in psychology. I figure I've had plenty of experience from dealing with Simon and Baz. Plus, I feel like surprising my mum. She might not take it well, but like it or not I _will_ become Doctor Penelope Bunce. I've already made up my mind and there's no way I'll become the next headmistress of Watford, like she did. Not after the Mage.

I'm sick of being Simon's babysitter. He needs to grow up. So do I.


End file.
